Texas Post #5: 2 Return Trips

January 3:
10:26 Discovered we'd lost the notebook in which we'd been keeping the trip log
10:30 I 35 north to Austin
11:24 Gouged for H2O by some metrosexual Latino thug
11:41 Fake longhorns
12:33 Sign for "Female Oil Wrestling" (I thought it would be a bad idea to stop so we kept going while we were getting turned around looking for a BK)
12:40 Bond style parking lot move
12:42 Found BK
1:22 Cross eyed kid spazzing out in the BK parking lot
1:27 Seat belt debacle & curb issue
1:57 Learned about Waco, TX while researching the Branch Davidians (I had thought they were named after David Koresh, but he in fact named himself after the group)
2:05 Learned about Heaven's Gate (& in turn, Alien Abduction Insurance!)
2:27 Geodesic Dome funeral parlour
2:30 Dee flicked us off
3:26 7/11 stop
3:32 Big dancing frogs
3:43 Saw the Starship Pegasus (a dilapidated flying saucer parked in Italy, TX)
3:56 Hippie geodesic dome church
4:12 City of Dallas w/ a dealership plate cluster
4:20 Sign for Sara's Secret
4:35 Incomprehensible sign about bass & flying saucers
4:37 Roy Huggin's lake
4:45 Lost the pen
4:46 broke out the 2nd string pen
5:02 Ninja grill w/ turtles in cowboy boots
5:39 Andre gave a trucker a taste of Dee's medicine (He gave him the bird... you know, the finger)
6:28 Dee: "I'd like to be unconscious"
7:00 Back in Clarksville w/o stopping @ the one historical marker that we actually wanted to see

January 4
1:33 On the road to Texarkansas
2:00 Coat confusion
2:27 I 30 East
2:45 Texarkansas
2:47 Arkansas State Line
3:05 Debated the Nashville option
3:18 Debated a nap
3:48 Saw a weird thing on a truck
3:49 "Honk if you're rowdy"
3:52 Former cars - current terrariums
4:55 City of Little Rock
4:50 More route debate
5:21 Box of crackers dumped
5:50 Miami Sound Machine interlude w/ gorillas
6:35 Mississippi Riv./Tenn state line/City of Memphis
8:00 Jackson, TN Waffle House
8:45 Days Inn after price debate & a little haggling

January 5
12:15 AM Posted about the trip to San Antonio
8:32 Casey Jones House & Museum
8:38 "The sun is uncool right now"
9:24 Passed a weird tree-picker-upper w/ police protection
9:37 Tenn. Riv/Kentucky Lake
9:45 Loretta Lynn's Country Kitchen Buffet & Store (w/ a light up bison)
10:12 Bucksnort, TN
10:29 Another in a long list of random dudes walking down the highway
10:49 First sighting of ice on roadcuts
10:50 BMW trickster dognoggled us regarding Hawaii
10:52 City of Nashville
10:57 Cumberland Riv.
11:47 Kentucky State Line
1:00 Eastern Time Zone
2:10 Woke up from nap
2:30 Mammoth Cave NP & Dinosaur World
2:47 City of Louisville
4:10 I 75 North
4:14 "Florence Y'All" & a bastard
4:23 Ohio Riv./Ohio State Line/City of Cincinnati
4:29 Traffic Jam
4:45 traffic jam ends
5:29 Awesome sunset
5:55 Simultaneous realization that Wapakenetta needs an "M"
5:58 School bus towing a car
6:11 Decided against mooning the Neil Armstrong Museum in order to save time
7:31 Michigan State Line
8:00 Home again home again jiggety jig

Texas Post #4: More of the Trip Log

28 December 2011 (Continued)
2:25 Picker Stop Antiques w/ wooded ducks
3:02 On the road again
3:17 First flightless wild animal (not sure what it was)
3:27 JESUS billboard
3:29 Little Rock, AR; Occupy Little Rock; Arkansas Riv.; Weird shiny building like a vampire in the sun
4:30 Andre woke up freezing & had missed The Red River
5:25 City of Texarkana
6:15 US 82 West
7:05 Arrived on the prairie

1 January, 2012
We went to Austin & San Antonio. We recorded everything in a brand new notebook because the atlas was falling apart. We then preceded to lose the notebook & all of the notes from that day. That said, I'll sum up since I know you're all anticipating a good overview.
* We saw curious llamas (who lived w/ some ducks) & took some pictures
* We saw a shit-ton of historical markers
* We crossed a really long bridge over a lake
* We decided to take back roads all the way to Austin
* We saw many Donut Palaces
* Andre had a Pimento Cheese sandwich (Kim disapproved)
* Misidentified a fake volcano as a Woolly Mammoth
* We enjoyed the sunset while driving into it & being blinded by it
* We went to Kim & Doug's house in Hutto, TX & assumed they moved there so he could make "Jabba the Hutto" jokes
* Didn't have dinner w/ Kim & Doug @ Chuy's (not the guy from Chelsea Lately, nor Chewie who co-pilots the Millennium Falcon) but saw the nacho car & some weird Elvis stuff!
* Had dinner w/ Kim & Doug @ Mesa Rosa's
* Bid Kim & Doug a fond farewell
* Learned (contrary to Kim's claims) that there are plenty of places to stay between San Marco & san Antonio, but we didn't stay @ any of them because contrary to Kim's other claim, the drive from (Jabba the) Hutto to San Antonio wasn't very long
* We found a fantastic motel room in walking distance from The Alamo & The Riverwalk, but you already knew that because it was discussed in the post about The Alamo & The Riverwalk

Tomorrow I will post the note from the return trip to the prairie & then from the prairie to Jackson, TN this afternoon. Oh, & as it turns out, Jackson, TN is the hometown of Casey Jones!

Texas Post #3: San Antonio (& Graceland)

We left the prairie west of Texarkana around noon heading for The Alamo yesterday. After deciding to take back roads rather than the expressway, we arrived in Hutto around 6:00 to dinner w/ my cousins. A good meal & some nice catching up later, we were back on the road & hit San Antone around 10:00. We found a hotel room in walking distance to The Alamo & The Riverwalk, but the parking situation is pretty weird. We park in a fenced in lot, but there’s no gate, so the fence seems kind of pointless. It’s $5.00 a day, & we just shove 5 bucks in a little slot w/ the # of the parking space on it. I don’t quite know how it works or who collects the money, but it seems to be fine so far. (Check back tomorrow for the continuing saga of the trip log.)

After a good night’s sleep & some acceptable eggs & waffles, we headed across the street to The Alamo. Now, I need to pause here to remind you that I’ve been a Davy Crockett enthusiast since I saw the Fess Parker movie w/ my cousin when I was 3 years old. However, I was given some mixed reviews of The Alamo itself. While some people said it was cool, the general feeling was that it wasn’t worth it. The people who said that were WAY off. It is super cool. I had such a great time. If you get the chance to see it, be sure to do so. The gardens inside the walls are fantastic, the tribute to the people who gave their lives is amazing, & the gift shop has great stuff. I don’t understand why they don’t get state or federal money to operate though. I feel they must have turned it down. It’s run solely on donations & revenue from the gift shop, so I did my part by spending too much money. You should check out the pics on my facebook page too because it’s an awesome place.

Also awesome is The Riverwalk. It’s kind of strange, & a little Venicesque, but it’s cool. Lot’s of bars, restaurants, & little shops down in the river valley but hidden by all the buildings that surround it. We walked around it all afternoon, had lunch & dinner down there, & then enjoyed it @ night all lit up by millions of lights in the trees. We happened upon a few old cathedrals, all of which were oddly locked up, but that didn’t stop us from trying to get in to see the insides. We also happened upon the house of Gen. Cas (the brother-in-law of Santa Anna & the man who may be responsible for making Santa Anna so mad that he marched his men for three months from Mexico to The Alamo in order to kick Texan ass). We even found a dude playing the bagpipes, so that was goo too. Not to mention the Irish pup w/ a real live Irishman singing songs & playing piano. His playing was pretty good, but I didn’t think to request the obvious Elvis tune. Maybe because I can’t decide which one would be the obvious one for him to play. I guess “It’s Alright Mama” would be good, but maybe “A Little Less Conversation” because I really kind of dig that tune. I guess that might not be enough to make it an obvious choice for that guy, but it’s good enough for me.

We got to hear both songs the other day when we stopped @ Graceland on our way to Texas. Like The Alamo, it’s not to be missed. Unlike The Alamo, it’s campy & ridiculous. We took the tour that also allowed us to see the Elvismobile museum & his plane, The Lisa Marie. I really enjoyed the house & the plane, & I was impressed by the gold alligator roof on his Lincoln, but in general, it’s absurd. It was hard to keep a straight face while 2, count them… 2!!! Unrelated people cried @ his grave. One of them, a woman in her late 40s also prayed to the grave. I didn’t get it. I didn’t laugh @ her, but I didn’t get it.

I also didn’t get the fact that the racquetball &gym building had easier access to the bar than the racquetball court, but @ least I can sympathize w/ the thought process that went into designing it.

I also didn’t get the billiard room draped in weird ass fabric. I didn’t get it, but I kind of want to do it to a room in my house.

I also didn’t get the room w/ 3 televisions built into the wall so as to watch all 3 networks @ the same time. Apparently, he heard that Johnson or Nixon or Ford or someone watched all 3 news broadcasts @ the same time & wanted to do the same. I guess I could understand watching soccer, The Soup & Seinfeld @ the same time, so maybe I do get it after all.

I also didn’t get the year-long pass that allows people to visit Graceland as often as they want throughout a calendar year. Who in their right mind would need to go back multiple times in a year? Maybe the crying/praying lady, I suppose.

All in all, The Alamo rules & I would go that repeatedly, so to each his or her own I guess. San Antonio is a great town, but I’m sure if I lived here, I would skip the Riverwalk like Washtenaw County locals skip the art fair. Visiting here is fantastic though… Do it…& maybe check out Graceland on the way.

Texas Post #2: New Years Eve w/ Spaniels

On Friday evening, we went for a nice drive to watch the sunset. After turning down a nice country road, we found an even nicer one. While listening to A Picture of Nectar, we saw an eight point buck silhouetted against the western sky as the sun set in purples & oranges. It was so beautiful, we thought we’d do it again on New Year’s Eve.

After firing off a few rounds from Sara’s uncle’s Glock (Sara also took some shots with the rifle before it mysteriously failed to fire), we hit the road again looking for a new sunset spot. It was not to be. And the moral of this story will be “Don’t trust the map on the GPS!” It looked as though the small county road would circle around & come back near the house so all seemed fine. We were able to get a couple nice sunset photos w/ Saturn (I think) in the background & a cool tree in the foreground. It was soon afterwards that things took a turn for the worse.
The road ended as the map showed it would. We took a left as the map suggested we should. We were happy & all was right w/ the world. Then, had we been able to listen, I’m sure we would have heard “Dueling Banjos” from behind a tree. The road was paved for a moment which was a surprise, but after it turned back to dirt, things got weird. The road twisted & turned up the hills & down the hollers through mud & sand in ways the map didn’t suggest. It then became a narrow, 2-track road. Things seemed a bit creepy, & the GPS wasn’t finding us on my phone the way it should have, but we kept going since the map showed that the road looped back to the highway. It was wrong.

I could tell Sara was getting a bit scared, so I kept the GPS situation to myself. I figured that if she thought we had a working map, there wouldn’t be a reason to freak out. So while she was outwardly freaking out, I had to keep my freak out in the inside. I don’t think letting on that we were off the map would have done any good.

After we were chased by a pretty big dog, possibly a Doberman, we came upon another turn, which presented us w/ a couple abandoned cars & a pile of old garbage. On the other side of the road, there was a sign that seemed to have been made by a freaky local, rather than the county road people who are in charge of such things. It seemed to say that the road was a dead end, but that didn’t make sense since the map suggested it wasn’t. The other problem was that over the sign, someone had secured a piece of poster board w/ a strange, rambling paragraph about fur trapping & how God doesn’t want us to use animals that way. I prepared to get a closer look @ the sign, but Sara wouldn’t let me get out of the car. I believe her exact words were, “YOUARENOTGETTINGOUTOFTHISCAR!!!”

By this point, the sun had set, so we were most definitely in the dark.
The darkness shouldn’t have been a problem, but w/o the map, w/o clear visibility, & w/o the certainty of not being approached by some weirdo, we had problems. As we maneuvered around the clutter of rusted out vehicles, we were approached by a pack of mangy spaniels. These spaniels seemed to have perhaps been abandoned out there. They were so creepy. And hungry. And maybe possessed by Satan.

Oh, did I mention, of course, that we needed gas the whole time? I didn’t, but if you’ve ever seen an old horror film, it should be obvious by now that our lack of fuel was also an issue.

She’d never given me such a direct order before, so I figured I better heed the words, as it were. We kept on going through more mud & twisting hills until we came to a fork in the road, or more specifically, a sort of multi-pronged rake. There were no signs, & we were more than uncertain as to which way to go. We chose the center path, but as we skirted around a few more abandoned cars & a couple old RVs which were missing their front-ends, we turned around. Taking a different route seemed rather perilous because we didn’t want to forget from which way we’d come.
From there, we headed back to from whence we came, & presently had to deal w/ all of the previous perils a second time. Of all of our labors, the second coming of those Satanic Spaniels seemed the worst. They were dark in the road so we couldn’t see them but for the head lights reflecting in their eyes. The dogs didn’t seem to want to get out of our way. Maybe they wanted us to play w/ them, but I wasn’t going to find out. In fact, I considered suggesting that she just stepping on it & plow over the dogs. (I should say right now that she didn’t. In fact, as far as I know, all the dogs survived the ordeal.) We finally got around them, & I let on that the GPS hadn’t been working (we had a good laugh). After our little laugh, we headed home.

Home to blow shit up. That’s right folks, after this ridiculous adventure, we were able to light off a shit-ton of fireworks that we’d acquired @ Boomland just east of Sykesville, MO. At Boomland, I also scored a shot glass for my collection & a coon skin cap for Isaiah. A coon skin cap seemed apropos since we’ll be visiting The Alamo this week. Of course, had we met our doom this evening, there would have been no one to remember us the way we remember the Alamo. In fact, there was a moment when I feared a fate worse than the folks @ the Alamo. What I would have given for 188 compatriots volunteering to go down w/ us. They who faced down the guns of Santa Anna have nothing on we who faced down the spaniels of Hell!

The Trip to Texas Post #1

I know you've all been waiting so patiently for the updates from the road. Well, wait no longer! I'm coming to you live from a bookstore in Paris, Texas. A store that has a wifi connection, no less. It's been a great trip so far, & if you stay ntuned, you'll soon get to read about the side trips to Graceland & The Alamo... & me shooting guns & looking @ awesome wildlife (but not shooting guns @ the awesome wildlife). Now w/o further ado, the 1st section of the trip log detailing the drive from Ypsilanti to Texas:

27 December 2011
7:26 – Hit the road: 210 on the tripometer
7:30 – route debate: settled on Toledo to get south of the snow
7:33 - Realized we’d forgotten the trip log notebook
7:35 – Stopped for ice
7:45 – On the road again w/ the Queen/Tom Petty/Randy Newman mix
7:51 – Southbound on US 23
8:10 – Lost the pen
8:13 – Found the pen & desweatered
8:33 – Maumee River
9:30 – Sara woke up but didn’t want to go to the plastic outlet store
9:39 – Got around a boat
9:55 – Stopped for Dee to take pills & wondered if our shifts ever got covered @ Nicola’s
10:00 – Broke out the cookies & starte3d following the Arsenal v Wolves match
10:10 – Learned Gervinio scored… WOOOO!!!
10:54 – Gas in Findlay, OH: $38.00/ 10 gallons; learned Wolves scored… booo
10:56 – Valdalia, OH: I 70 West
11:22 – Inexplicable traffic jam
11:30 – Sara accidently reset the tripometer (it was @ 420)
11:50 – Learned that Arsenal drew 1-1 w/ Wolves
11:51 - Indiana Stateline
11:52 – Traffic jam explained: a semi tipped over in the median; traffic jam ends; rain picks up
11:53 – Rain turns to snow
12:00 – Sara ponders pretzels
12:22 – Crossed the Big Blue River
12:41 – Starbucks mint mocha
12:57 – On the road again
1:17 – Sara talks about quiet moments w/ Bill
1:27 –Big blue colt s. of Indianapolis
1:44 – Looked up Graceland hours & prices
1:53 – Seat belt buckle battle debacle
2:27 – Crossed the Wabash River & said it was flooded & saw it was flooded & it was flooded
2:31 – Illinois state line; Central Time Zone
1:37 – Rest area
2:30 – I57 South
3:36 – Gas @ Circle K: $40.00, 12 gallons, 286.7 miles
5:00 – Adventure in Dognoggle & vicinity
5:22 – Crossed the mighty Mississip… Missouri state line
5:32 – Boomland fireworks store
6:16 – On the road again after cruisin’ the lot for license plates
7:20 – Arkansas state line
7:25 – El Acapulco Mexican Restarasunt in Blytehville, Arkansas
7:40 – Nacho confusion
8:30 – cruising Blytheville looking for a cheap motel
8:35 – Walmart confusion
8:45 – Check in @ Super 8 (rooms were way too hot & didn’t cool down very well)


28 December 2011
8:02 – On the road again
8:15 – Bad ass hawk
8:21 – Bad ass poofy owl
8:34 – Saw a weird ass decorated X-Mas tree on the side of the freeway
8:56 – Cross the old Mississippi again; entered Tennessee; entered Memphis
9:06 – Saw our first green leaves
9:10 – Got to Graceland, Graceland, Memphis, TN
12:30 – Leaving Graceland after a crappy breakfast @ the Rock n Roll Café
13:35 – 3 Near death experiences & gas @ Citgo: $2.93 per gallon/12 gallons/557 miles
12:54 – Mississippi River again; Arkansas again
1:20 – Restroom break
1:37 – Sara: “That’s a weird place to park a car.”
1:38 – Dee: “That’s a weird place to park a duck”
1:40 – Sara begins hunting hawks & we see them every ¼ mile or so
1:55 – Andre begins transcribing the log on his computer for future blogging
1:35 – Andre prepares to close the computer