Texas Post #2: New Years Eve w/ Spaniels

On Friday evening, we went for a nice drive to watch the sunset. After turning down a nice country road, we found an even nicer one. While listening to A Picture of Nectar, we saw an eight point buck silhouetted against the western sky as the sun set in purples & oranges. It was so beautiful, we thought we’d do it again on New Year’s Eve.

After firing off a few rounds from Sara’s uncle’s Glock (Sara also took some shots with the rifle before it mysteriously failed to fire), we hit the road again looking for a new sunset spot. It was not to be. And the moral of this story will be “Don’t trust the map on the GPS!” It looked as though the small county road would circle around & come back near the house so all seemed fine. We were able to get a couple nice sunset photos w/ Saturn (I think) in the background & a cool tree in the foreground. It was soon afterwards that things took a turn for the worse.
The road ended as the map showed it would. We took a left as the map suggested we should. We were happy & all was right w/ the world. Then, had we been able to listen, I’m sure we would have heard “Dueling Banjos” from behind a tree. The road was paved for a moment which was a surprise, but after it turned back to dirt, things got weird. The road twisted & turned up the hills & down the hollers through mud & sand in ways the map didn’t suggest. It then became a narrow, 2-track road. Things seemed a bit creepy, & the GPS wasn’t finding us on my phone the way it should have, but we kept going since the map showed that the road looped back to the highway. It was wrong.

I could tell Sara was getting a bit scared, so I kept the GPS situation to myself. I figured that if she thought we had a working map, there wouldn’t be a reason to freak out. So while she was outwardly freaking out, I had to keep my freak out in the inside. I don’t think letting on that we were off the map would have done any good.

After we were chased by a pretty big dog, possibly a Doberman, we came upon another turn, which presented us w/ a couple abandoned cars & a pile of old garbage. On the other side of the road, there was a sign that seemed to have been made by a freaky local, rather than the county road people who are in charge of such things. It seemed to say that the road was a dead end, but that didn’t make sense since the map suggested it wasn’t. The other problem was that over the sign, someone had secured a piece of poster board w/ a strange, rambling paragraph about fur trapping & how God doesn’t want us to use animals that way. I prepared to get a closer look @ the sign, but Sara wouldn’t let me get out of the car. I believe her exact words were, “YOUARENOTGETTINGOUTOFTHISCAR!!!”

By this point, the sun had set, so we were most definitely in the dark.
The darkness shouldn’t have been a problem, but w/o the map, w/o clear visibility, & w/o the certainty of not being approached by some weirdo, we had problems. As we maneuvered around the clutter of rusted out vehicles, we were approached by a pack of mangy spaniels. These spaniels seemed to have perhaps been abandoned out there. They were so creepy. And hungry. And maybe possessed by Satan.

Oh, did I mention, of course, that we needed gas the whole time? I didn’t, but if you’ve ever seen an old horror film, it should be obvious by now that our lack of fuel was also an issue.

She’d never given me such a direct order before, so I figured I better heed the words, as it were. We kept on going through more mud & twisting hills until we came to a fork in the road, or more specifically, a sort of multi-pronged rake. There were no signs, & we were more than uncertain as to which way to go. We chose the center path, but as we skirted around a few more abandoned cars & a couple old RVs which were missing their front-ends, we turned around. Taking a different route seemed rather perilous because we didn’t want to forget from which way we’d come.
From there, we headed back to from whence we came, & presently had to deal w/ all of the previous perils a second time. Of all of our labors, the second coming of those Satanic Spaniels seemed the worst. They were dark in the road so we couldn’t see them but for the head lights reflecting in their eyes. The dogs didn’t seem to want to get out of our way. Maybe they wanted us to play w/ them, but I wasn’t going to find out. In fact, I considered suggesting that she just stepping on it & plow over the dogs. (I should say right now that she didn’t. In fact, as far as I know, all the dogs survived the ordeal.) We finally got around them, & I let on that the GPS hadn’t been working (we had a good laugh). After our little laugh, we headed home.

Home to blow shit up. That’s right folks, after this ridiculous adventure, we were able to light off a shit-ton of fireworks that we’d acquired @ Boomland just east of Sykesville, MO. At Boomland, I also scored a shot glass for my collection & a coon skin cap for Isaiah. A coon skin cap seemed apropos since we’ll be visiting The Alamo this week. Of course, had we met our doom this evening, there would have been no one to remember us the way we remember the Alamo. In fact, there was a moment when I feared a fate worse than the folks @ the Alamo. What I would have given for 188 compatriots volunteering to go down w/ us. They who faced down the guns of Santa Anna have nothing on we who faced down the spaniels of Hell!

The Trip to Texas Post #1

I know you've all been waiting so patiently for the updates from the road. Well, wait no longer! I'm coming to you live from a bookstore in Paris, Texas. A store that has a wifi connection, no less. It's been a great trip so far, & if you stay ntuned, you'll soon get to read about the side trips to Graceland & The Alamo... & me shooting guns & looking @ awesome wildlife (but not shooting guns @ the awesome wildlife). Now w/o further ado, the 1st section of the trip log detailing the drive from Ypsilanti to Texas:

27 December 2011
7:26 – Hit the road: 210 on the tripometer
7:30 – route debate: settled on Toledo to get south of the snow
7:33 - Realized we’d forgotten the trip log notebook
7:35 – Stopped for ice
7:45 – On the road again w/ the Queen/Tom Petty/Randy Newman mix
7:51 – Southbound on US 23
8:10 – Lost the pen
8:13 – Found the pen & desweatered
8:33 – Maumee River
9:30 – Sara woke up but didn’t want to go to the plastic outlet store
9:39 – Got around a boat
9:55 – Stopped for Dee to take pills & wondered if our shifts ever got covered @ Nicola’s
10:00 – Broke out the cookies & starte3d following the Arsenal v Wolves match
10:10 – Learned Gervinio scored… WOOOO!!!
10:54 – Gas in Findlay, OH: $38.00/ 10 gallons; learned Wolves scored… booo
10:56 – Valdalia, OH: I 70 West
11:22 – Inexplicable traffic jam
11:30 – Sara accidently reset the tripometer (it was @ 420)
11:50 – Learned that Arsenal drew 1-1 w/ Wolves
11:51 - Indiana Stateline
11:52 – Traffic jam explained: a semi tipped over in the median; traffic jam ends; rain picks up
11:53 – Rain turns to snow
12:00 – Sara ponders pretzels
12:22 – Crossed the Big Blue River
12:41 – Starbucks mint mocha
12:57 – On the road again
1:17 – Sara talks about quiet moments w/ Bill
1:27 –Big blue colt s. of Indianapolis
1:44 – Looked up Graceland hours & prices
1:53 – Seat belt buckle battle debacle
2:27 – Crossed the Wabash River & said it was flooded & saw it was flooded & it was flooded
2:31 – Illinois state line; Central Time Zone
1:37 – Rest area
2:30 – I57 South
3:36 – Gas @ Circle K: $40.00, 12 gallons, 286.7 miles
5:00 – Adventure in Dognoggle & vicinity
5:22 – Crossed the mighty Mississip… Missouri state line
5:32 – Boomland fireworks store
6:16 – On the road again after cruisin’ the lot for license plates
7:20 – Arkansas state line
7:25 – El Acapulco Mexican Restarasunt in Blytehville, Arkansas
7:40 – Nacho confusion
8:30 – cruising Blytheville looking for a cheap motel
8:35 – Walmart confusion
8:45 – Check in @ Super 8 (rooms were way too hot & didn’t cool down very well)


28 December 2011
8:02 – On the road again
8:15 – Bad ass hawk
8:21 – Bad ass poofy owl
8:34 – Saw a weird ass decorated X-Mas tree on the side of the freeway
8:56 – Cross the old Mississippi again; entered Tennessee; entered Memphis
9:06 – Saw our first green leaves
9:10 – Got to Graceland, Graceland, Memphis, TN
12:30 – Leaving Graceland after a crappy breakfast @ the Rock n Roll Café
13:35 – 3 Near death experiences & gas @ Citgo: $2.93 per gallon/12 gallons/557 miles
12:54 – Mississippi River again; Arkansas again
1:20 – Restroom break
1:37 – Sara: “That’s a weird place to park a car.”
1:38 – Dee: “That’s a weird place to park a duck”
1:40 – Sara begins hunting hawks & we see them every ¼ mile or so
1:55 – Andre begins transcribing the log on his computer for future blogging
1:35 – Andre prepares to close the computer

Holiday Post #3: The Movies

I don't think I've ever seen It's a Wonderful Life all the way through. I considered watching it this year, but for some reason it didn't record. That reason could be that I forgot to set the DVR, but I don't think so. I'm not sure. It's on NBC tonight so Perhaps I'll have the opportunity to see it the way so many people have seen it over the last 50 years... on network television w/ commercial interruptions. The films I have actually remembered to record are thus: A Christmas Carol (George C. Scott version), White Christmas, Holiday Inn, National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation & Miracle on 34th Street. Of those, A Christmas Carol & Miracle on 34th Street have yet to be watched this season. I don't know if we'll have time to get to them because I know that after tomorrow, I'll have no desire to watch them until next year. Other movies we've watched are A Christmas Story & Love Actually. It must be said that Love Actually is actually a really good film. It's got all of your usual suspects of British romantic comedies... Colin Firth, Hugh Grant, Emma Thompson, Alan Rickman, Kiera Knightly, & Qui Gon Jinn.

As far as Christmas specials are concerned, we've watched Mickey's Christmas Carol, A Chipmunk's Christmas, Charlie Brown, Frosty, Rudolph, Rudolph's Shiny New Year, A Pink Panther Christmas, Santa Clause is Coming to Town, & The Flintsone's Christmas. Of course, yesterday, we had an obligatory viewing of "The Strike"... the Seinfeld Festivus episode (as if you didn't know that).

I know this post is more of a list that any sort of commentary, but before I run off for another crazy day @ Nicola's, I will say this. The Version of Holiday Inn that we watched was sans the minstrel show scene. I saw it once a couple years ago, but TMC no longer shows the movie because of that scene & AMC edits it out. It's had to watch... like Song of the South , but I think I support seeing it in its entirety. I know its offensive as hell, but it's a product of its time. We shouldn't get our Bing Crosby sanitized... let's see him in all of his black-face glory! Check back soon for the big James Bond post... all we have left to watch is the David Niven/Woody Allen Casino Royale spoof.

Holiday Post #2: The Wish List

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Holiday Post #1: The Songs

There's a little tradition here @ Drifting into Deep Water that actually predates Drifting into Deep Water by about a couple years. We started composing Holiday themed songs in 2008 w/ "All I Want for Christmas is Cash." In 2009, there was "Have a Swinging Christmas Time." Then last year we composed, begging your indulgences, a 2nd "all I want" song: "All I Want for Christmas is a Shotgun."

Before we get to this year's installment, I thought I'd give you a list of our Top 5 Kitschy Christmas Songs of All Time!!! It's these songs that influenced the writing of my songs the most. Enjoy... & then enjoy this year's song.... & then remember er to keep the nominations coming for your
#5: "Chewbacca's Silent Night"
#4: "Christmas in Hollis"
#3: "Holly Jolly Christmas"
#2: "Dominick the Italian Christmas Donkey
#1: "I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas"

Now, w/o further ado, your 2011 Drifting into Deep Water Christmas song:

"Larry the Christmas Llama"

There's a village on on mountain top
In the Andes of Peru
Where they celebrate the holidays
Just like me and you
But the cliffs are steep upon those peaks
And the wind is oh so chill
So Santa found some local help
To guide him o're the hills

He's Larry the Christmas Llama
He helps to lead the way
He's Larry the Christmas Llama
Guiding Santa's sleigh

You know the eight reindeer
And you know all their names
And the ninth w/ his shiny nose
Shunned from all of their games
But they all join together
And I'll tell you why
To pick on poor Larry
Cuz Larry can't fly

He's Larry the Christmas Llama
He helps to lead the way
He's Larry the Christmas Llama
Guiding Santa's sleigh

Now the hills are steep and rocky
And the snow is blowing cold
So it takes a healthy llama
To lead a team so bold
The first time on those high peaks
The other nine did see
That they should quit their hi jinks
And let young Larry be

He's Larry the Christmas Llama
He helps to lead the way
He's Larry the Christmas Llama
Guiding Santa's sleigh

He's Larry the Christmas Llama
He helps to lead the way
He's Larry the Christmas Llama
He makes the season gay!

Euro 2012 Group Draw & Reaction

Group A: Poland, Greece, Russia, Czech Republic
Group B: Spain, Italy, Rep. of Ireland, Croatia
Group C: Netherlands, Germany, Denmark, Portugal
Group D: Ukraine, Sweden, France, England

Quarter Finals:
Game 25 A1 v B2
Game 26 A2 v B1
Game 27 C1 v D2
Game 28 D1 v C2

Semi Finals:
Winner 25 v Winner 27
Winner 26 v Winner 28

Here are my thoughts... since you've waited so patiently for them over the last 48 hours. I apologize for the wait; I know you've been on the edge of your seat wondering how I feel about these groups.

Group A is a tough one to call. Poland could do pretty well w/ their fantastic goalie & the fact that they are one of the host nations. Home town crowds will obviously help a bit. However, Russia will probably go through too. Aside from the home country situation, I think Poland, Greece & the Czechs are all pretty good. I guess I would like to see Tomas Rosicky ;lead the Czech Republic through the quarter finals, but it will be a rough group of mid-level teams. In the end, it won't really matter, because I don't see any of these teams getting past the quarter-finals. We'll say Russia (1) & Poland (2)

Group B is less tricky, I would say, & I'm sure most people would predict Spain & Italy moving on. I suppose, I will too, but it'd be nice to see the Irish get past the Italians. I wouldn't put money on it though. Spain (1) & Italy (2)

Group C will certainly be called "The group of death" by pundits (if it hasn't been called that already). I would say it's more likely to be the group of tears though as we're almost certain to see Cristiano Ronaldo squirt out a few when Portugal fails to edge past Germany & The Netherlands. In fact, I would be willing to put money on them getting gout of the group stage... if I had money to bet & was a betting man. Germany (1) & Netherlands (2).

Group D shouldn't be much of a problem for France & England, but then again, one never really knows what those two under performing squads will do. While the Ukraine is the other co-host, I don't see them getting out of the group like Poland. Based on sheer talent, I will go against the British talking heads (& Arsene Wenger) & say France will win the group w/ England taking 2nd. (They seem to see it happening the other way).

If this is what happens (& it's sure not to now that I've actually posted this), we'll see the quarter finals thusly:
QF1: Russia v Italy
QF2: Poland v Spain
QF3: Germany v England
QF4: Netherlands v France

The semi finals are obviously tougher to call, & in the past, I think I've stopped here for propriety's sake; however, for fun, I suppose I'll go all the way now.

SF1: Italy v Germany
SF2: Spain v France (if France takes a shit in the group stage, I would see The Netherlands getting past either The Ukraine or Sweden).

As far as the finals are concerned, the odds makers seems to believe that Spain will win it all again, but no country has ever repeated. This means, we're either going to see a little history, or we aren't. Shocking revelation, I know. I'm going to go w/ history but ignore my fanatical devotion to the FFF & say Germany will beat Spain in the finals.

I was going to get into my beliefs about the French squad for the tournament, but I'll hold off on that for another post. Keep checking back though... it will be pretty soon. We've got a James Bond post & a couple holiday season posts coming up soon, & we'll start the nominating process for your 2012 Visions of Ypsi Memorial Celebrity MILF of the Year contest now too. in order to be eligible, the person must meet a couple criteria... she must be a celebrity & she must be pregnant now or had a baby in the last 5 month so as to ensure she wasn't eligible w/ the same pregnancy last year. Post your nominations here in the comments section or e-mail them to me.
Here is a link to all of last year's contest posts, & @ the bottom, you'll find a link to the posts on the old blog too.

Skynyrd on the 4th

I've never been a big fan of the retro-rock extravaganza, but when I heard that Whitey & the 78s were opening for Skynyrd @ Pine Knob, it was just too cool to ignore. I didn't think I was actually gonna be able to go though, but then @ zero hour, Stacey came through w/ a sweet, sweet pair of free lawn tix. I met Liz & Dan @ my parents' place for some ribs & beans, then Dan & I were off to Clarkston. We picked up Bud Tall Boys from 7-11 & then started counting Stars-n-Bars... 38 by my count, including a Sharpee drawn fake tattoo on some douchebag's arm & a ridiculous full on flag pole on the tail gate of an old yellow pick-up.

We downed the Buds in the lot then headed in right as Whitey & the boys were starting "Bad News." They played for about 45 minutes... & in my humble opinion, they rocked it. I hope they're able to parley this into some other big stuff. When Skynyrd came out, I was a bit shocked by 2 things: 1) how many of their songs I actually knew & 2) how bad they are. I've never been a fan, but wow! We took off after about 45 minutes. We heard "What's Your Name," "Working for MCA," "Simple Man," & that one about "can't you smell that smell?" Apparently, the set-list had them closing w/ Sweet Home Alabama" & encoring w/ "Freebird," but there was no way we could make it that long.

As for the crowd? Good Lord! It was like the Secretary of State office on Meth. And so many of them were taking it sooo seriously. The "skanky-ass-ho" factor made the Springsteen show I went to last year look like Sunday School. They really came out of the woodwork to hear some Skynyrd. Ironically, Whitey played the Hell out of Pine Knob while the Skynyrd fans didn't really pay enough attention. I think they were able to appreciate them though. I definitely hope they were. Maybe they sold some CDs & swag too.

Dan in his Skynyrd costume


Rocking the Tall Boys


Whitey rocking out!
Skynyrd doing their schtick

Presidents' Day Snow Day

In England, there are always soccer games on bank holidays, but since we don't have that as a way to celebrate our former presidents, we'll do it w/ 8" of snow & a fun little list instead. It's been a pretty rough few days in the ol' homestead, but we're surviving & I think in the long-run, things will be much better. (How's that for a cryptic sentence that raises all sorts of questions but says nothing at all?)

Here's the Official Drifting Into Deep Water Top Ten Presidents of All Time. (Of course, we are also celebrating Nina Simone's & Vince Welnick's birthdays today, but we aren't listing the top 10 "Samba in the Rain" ... that would be silly). We're basing this list on 4 things (w/ a scale of 1-10 where 1 is low & 10 is high): looking presidential, thinking presidential, acting presidential, & all around coolness. A president can score high on all around coolness like Teddy Roosevelt or high on looking presidential like George H. W. Bush, but then very low on other criterion so we'll have to so we'll have to be very careful as we come to our determination here.

10)Millard Fillmore: Score - 26
He was an asshole No-Nothinger, but his name was Millard Fillmore. How awesome is that?
9) Martin van Buren: Score - 27
He was the 1st American born president & has a fictional street gang named after him... a gang known for assaulting Kramer & George. That's pretty cool. His stance on slavery was less cool, but better than many of his contemporaries.
8) Warren G. Harding: Score - 28
The G. is for Gamaliel... pretty cool name. He worked hard on his Anti-Lynching campaign & there are rumors that he had more than a little African American and Native American ancestry & that he was all about the orgies. Of course, there's also the Teapot Dome scandal... the coolest name for a presidential scandal ever.
7) James Madison: Score - 30
He wrote the Bill of Rights, his wife was the 3rd best gas station pastry maker, Dolly Madison,and his VP was named George Clinton!
6) Grover Cleveland: Score - 32
He served 2 terms but they weren't consecutive. That's pretty cool. Plus, as his name suggests, he was probably pretty adept @ explaining the concepts of "Near" & "Far."
5) Teddy Roosevelt: Score - 34
Kind of a macho tool, but he was our macho tool... like Hemingway & Randy Savage.
4) Abraham Lincoln: Score - 36
He saved the Union & reluctantly ended slavery. Although that wasn't his main goal, he was willing to listen to Frederick Douglass & realized Douglass simply had better ideas than he did. Just think about what might have been possible if every president was willing to listen to smart people all the time.
3) John Adams / Bill Clinton (tie): Score - 37
Where Clinton often came across as a sex-crazed hillbilly, his genious was in his ability to get stuff done & help the people who needed help the most. He was a great negotiator who was able to raise our political capital around the world.
John Adams was a bad-ass. He was briliant & always looking to listen to Abigale who was also briliant. Had it been posible for her to be President, she may have made the list too.
2) Thomas Jefferson: Score - 38
He wrote the Declaration of Independence. He understood the limits of presidential power while being more than willing to overstep them when a good bargain came along, & he understood the importance of an educated electorate in order to for a more perfect union. If not for his more than problematic relationship w/ slavery (& one slave specifically) he may have scored a perfect 40. Then again, his views on slavery weren't anything more than products of his time. The vast majority of the rich white land owners felt the same way... if not much worse. Of course, that doesn't completely excuse him, but I don't think he deserves the vitriol he gets for this
1) Franklin Roosevelt: Score - 40
Beat Hitler, instigated the New Deal, & was actually willing to listen to his awesome wife... a wife who had great ideas about war, women, & the working (& out of work) poor. Plus, the dude overcame polio to rise to the Presidency. That's just Bad-Ass... Teddy could never have done that.

Honorable Mention goes out to JFK & Woodrow Wilson
Knowing full well that this is the official list, you can still feel free to post your own top 10 in the comments section.

Holiday Post #12: The Winner

We were going to call this post "All is Quiet on New Years Day," but the silence you're hearing is actually the residual effects of low voter turn out. (Plus, we've never quoted U2 before, & we're not going to start now.) I guess that's what happens when the candidates just aren't very inspiring. Here we have a lesson we should have learned from George Bush & Michael Dukakis or if not then than at least from John Engler & Geoffery Fieger. Fieger Time!" didn't work then, & "Applegate Time!" was always-already destined to fail now. Oh well, we can suffer through this year like we suffered through the George Bush's single term & come out the other side (next December) w/ a better crop of nominees. Stephanie & Jason both abstained based on the fact that the nominees sucked. Daye said multiple times that she was about to vote but never did. Neither Courtney nor Steve ever got around to it either which means that w/ the 1 late vote on facebook, the returns look like this:
Alicia Keyes: 1
Mariah Carey: 2
Neal Patrick Harris: 1
Penelope Cruz: 1
Jodie Sweetin: 1
Pink: 1
Alanis Morissette: 2
After a grand total of 9 votes, we have a tie between 2 less than stellar pop songstresses which basically means the final decision comes to me. And this isn't the easiest of decisions since I'm rather sympathetic to the belief that this year's crop has yielded some strange fruit. I was actually pulling for Danica McKellar, but such is life. To paraphrase Donald Rumsfeld, You don't go to a Celebrity MILF of the Year contest w/ the MILFs you want, you go w/ the MILFs you have. Before we announce the winner though, we need to give a little shout out to NPH. He was never going to win, but his nomination was a kin to Run-DMC being nominated for a Grammy in 1986. The floodgates are open & in 10 years, you may see gay men dominating the contest.

OK, now on to your winner. I hated her 1st album w/ a passion. It was over-played on the radio & over-praised by the critics. Isn't it ironic then that all these years later I have to do this. I feel like James Tolkan in Top Gun when he has to send Maverick & Goose to Miramar. The saving grace here is that she played God in Dogma... & for once kept her enormous, Julia Robertseque mouth shut. It's not the best Kevin Smith film, but when compared to "One Hand in My Pocket," it seems quite brilliant. So here's to her; your Visions of Ypsi Memorial Celebrity MILF of the Year: Alanis Morissette.

Holiday Post #11: Elections, Links, & Tests; Oh My... & a Happy New Year

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Holiday Post #10: Another in the Arsenal Highlights Series

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Holiday Post #9: I Got a lot of Problems w/ You People!

As a fun post-Festivus post, here's a quick airing of grievances.

1) Friends who say, "You really need to see this movie... it's fantastic," when the movie is really not so good. We watched the aptly named The Runaways last night (the rock music biopic about the band of the same name). It's a very schizophrenic film. It's like it can't decide if it wants to be an arty Doors-esque thing or a teen pop flick so it tried to do both. One or the other would have been fine, but both doesn't work. It also spent a lot of time fitting in the rock bio-film cliches @ every opportunity. The only thing it didn't do was end w/ a death which is only because it focused mainly on Cherie Currie & Joan Jett... both of whom are still alive. Had it done more w/ the others, they could have included more of Sandy West, they could have dealt w/ her struggle w/ lung cancer & added a more poignant ending. Or maybe more about Joan Jett's relationship w/ The Sex Pistols to lead up to Sid Vicious' death. On the positive side, I dig the music & might see if they have any @ the library.2) Speaking of The Sex Pistols, the second problem I have @ the moment is w/ Arsenal. FYI, John Leydon is a HUGE Arsenal fan; that's where the transition comes from. Anyway, they play Chelsea today, & their record against Chelsea is recent years sucks... SUCKS! Chelsea striker, Didier Drogba has played Arsenal 13 times during his tenure in West London & has scored 13 times. To make matters worse, Jason is a huge Chelsea fan & I'll be watching the match w/ him. The real problem here though is that we have a month long transfer window opening up after New Years, but Wenger probably won't buy anyone. They need another central defender. One great one & three mediocre ones aren't enough, especially when the great one has been hurt for most of the season. Along w/ a central defender, they need to ship out Diaby, Bendtner & Denilson. It may be time for Vela to go too. There's too much dead weight when perfectly good replacements are available. Wenger doesn't need to read this though because he's been getting this same info from all corners lately. If any of these changes actually happen though, I'll be happy to retract problem #2.(If nothing else, @ least Diaby was good for this hilarious picture.)3) My third concern is really w/ Mother Nature. I'm already done w/ cold weather. This is just ridiculous. Bring on Spring already, for crying out loud.

4) Racists, sexists, homophobes, & other narrow-minded people who choose to discrimitate rather than accept. There's our big shout-out to political correctness before moving on to problem five.

5) People who have yet to vote for your Visions of Ypsi Memorial Celebrity MILF of the Year. It's easy. Scroll down & read through the nominees. They may not be fantastic, but they are what we've got this year. Once you've weighed your options, post your vote in the comments section... Easy.

Holiday Post #8: At the Weekend (w/ special mention of pork products)

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Holiday Post #7: It's a Trap!

Begging your indulgences, we'd like to post another Star Wars X-Mas video, but this 1 is in the vein of sarcasm. Also, we'd like to thank the good people @ Jason Duerr for this video. Also, also, we'd like to remind you that the voting has started. I was informed yesterday that people are sandbagging to ensure a stupid outcome like last year's Sarah Michelle Geller doesn't happen again, but it's still important that people start voting because we only have a 11 days left.

Holiday Post # 6: The Holiday Special!

We've been watching a lot of X-Mas episodes 'round these parts recently: The Office, How I Met Your Mother, The Big Joe Polka Show, 30 Rock, Happy Days, Seinfeld, etc. Of course, they're all great, but we've also watched a few X-Mas films: Miracle on 34th Street, A Smokey Mountain Christmas, White Christmas, A Christmas Story, National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation, even Paul Blart: Mall Cop (which is sort of Die Hard meets Mallrats meets a really poorly written movie). We also have A Christmas Carol DVRed & Jingle all the Way in the queue. Of course, there's also this little piece of Christmas fun: "Christmas in Hollis" by Run-DMC! That said, the most important Christmas special can actually be watched right here on Drifting into Deep Water, so after you vote for the Visions of Ypsi Memorial Celebrity MILF of the Year, check out all of your favorite stars, including Bea Arthur, Art Carney, The Jefferson Starship, Harvey Koreman, & the cast of Star Wars in the one and only Star Wars Holiday Special! (This video only feature the 1st 10 minutes, but once it's over, it'll direct you to the following video, & so on, & so on, & so on.

Holiday Post #5: The Song

Before we get to the meat & potatoes of this post, I'd like to inform everyone that my grades have been posted & I'm officially on my pseudo-vacation (pseudo in that I'm still working @ the bookstore). I'd also like to take this moment to remind everyone to Rock the Vote. We only have a couple weeks left, but as it stands, only my sister has actually voted. Some of y'all sent in nominations, but you need to actually vote now too. You can do so by scolling down or just going here.

And then while you're hanging out @ the corner of Visions of Ypsi & Memory Lane, you can wander down the snow covered path that is the Visions of Ypsi Holiday Posts. It needs a little salt, but the ice is clearing & you can enjoy your stroll.

when doing so, you'll see that a few years ago we started a little tradition that I think would transfer well to the new blog. Every holiday season, starting w/ X-Mas 2007, I write a new holiday song. Last year, we wrote "A Swingin' Christmas Time", we gave 2008 a miss, but in 2007 we wrote this little rockabilly number, "All I Want for Christmas is Cash". Without any further ado, I give y'all this year's ditty, a sort of punk number... Elvis Costello meets Hank III: "A Stocking Full of Shells." Enjoy.Last year after the office party
You puked inside my Cadillac
You spilled champagne on my new Cosby Sweater
Before I'd had the chance to take it back

So all I want for Christmas is a shotgun
A shotgun and a box of shells
All I want for Christmas is a Colt-45
So I can blow you straight to Hell!

The next day while we trimmed the tree
You bitched about my brand new decoration
It was a battle scarred Rancor from the Hallmark store
But you broke it without any hesitation

So all I want for Christmas is a shotgun
A shotgun and a box of shells
All I want for Christmas is a Colt-45
So I can blow you straight to Hell!

Then last night as I was mixing up the eggnog
What to my little eyes appeared,
But you in the corner drinking all the rum
so I had to settle for a cheap beer.

So all I want for Christmas is a shotgun
A shotgun and a box of shells
All I want for Christmas is a Colt-45
So I can blow you straight to Hell!

So all I want for Christmas is a shotgun
A shotgun and a stocking full of shells
All I want for Christmas is a AK-47
So I can send your whole family straight to Hell!

On Stranger Tides

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Holiday Post #4: And the Nominees Are...

We @ Drifting into Deep Water are proud to present the 7th Annual Celebrity M.I.L.F. of the Year Contest (AKA The Visions of Ypsi Memorial Celebrity MILF of the Year Contest). Before you vote, however, be sure to read the rules:
1) The nominations have been considered and narrowed down, just lunlike last year's 11, to a nice round 12 contestants.
2) Each reader of Drifting into Deep Water is allowed one (1) vote.
3) Votes are to be posted in the comments section of this post. Votes sent via e-mail or as a Facebook post will be counted if & only if we so choose.
4) Giving people shit based on who they voted for is not only accepted, but encouraged.
5) All votes posted by 12:00 AM on New Years Eve will be counted.
6) Voting is closed @ 12:01 AM New Years Day.
7) Late nominations will be considered, but discouraged.
8) Those nominated but not included on this official ballot are not eligible for late nominations.
8.1) Nominating a gay man who has recently welcomed the arrival of twins via a surrogate if awesome, but may not be quite w/in the scope of this contest (in that he would be a STILF, not a MILF). We'll include him just in case y'all disagree (in this case, the "ST" is in reference to his character, Barney Stinson]).
9) If a voter wishes to change his or her vote, she or he must petition the writers of Drifting into Deep Water.
10) Anonymously posted votes will only be accepted if the writers of Drifting into Deep Water are told who the person is who is voting anonymously. In other words, the post can be anonymous and anonymity will be protected, but we want to know who is voting to ensure true single votes.
11) We @ Drifting into Deep Water will only cast a vote to break a tie if said vote is necessary or if we don't like who won. If you don't like that, you can get your own Celebrity MILF of the Year Contest.
12) As always, nominees must not have been eligible last year so we're setting the cut-off dates @ August. Any celebrity to have given birth before 1 September 2009 is ineligible.

Lakiha Spicer: Mike Tyson has yet again impregnated a woman. This time, it's his relatively new wife. whether or not she's really a celebrity is open to debate, but he sort of is, so we'll allow it. We will refrain from all ear-biting jokes at this juncture.












Rachel Zoe: I imagine a couple of you know who this person is, but seeing as I haven't watched Bravo in years (& she hasn't been mentioned on The Soup, I'd never heard of her. Her show has been on for a couple years & she's married to some investment banker who is now famous for making a different kind of deposit.












Alanis Morissette: We here @ Drifting into Deep Water have never been huge fans of her music, but she played God in Dogma... that has to stand for something. Plus, we are able to bring you this cool picture of her pregnant belly all hennafied.












Christina Applegate: Does she have a sit-com? I think she does, but I'm not certain. Even if she doesn't, she definitely had one when I was in high school. Her real claim to fame though is her role in Don't Tell Mom the babysitter is Dead... brilliant! Apparently, her fiance, Martyn LeNoble, is the person who knocked her up. I didn't take the time to figure out who that is... you can do a little research on your own.












Stella McCartney: Just 2 days after the anniversary of Lennon's assassination, Paul's Daughter gets this nomination... He's always stealing John's thunder.The baby was actually born a couple weeks ago though, so it was a prelude to the anniversary mourning. Here's to hoping her next kid has smaller ears.










Neil Patrick Harris: He seems like a good dude. He's fantastic on How I Met Your Mother & his activism seems pretty impressive too. I have no idea who the surrogate is, nor do I think she would qualify as a celebrity even if I did know. If he wins, it would be legend... wait for it...











Mariah Carey: One of the few nominees to legitimately be considered a celebrity. I'd quote one of her songs here, but I'd have to look them up first... "don't go chasing waterfalls"? I don't think that's right. I think that was TLC. As it turns out, for someone whose songs I can't name, she's had a hell of a lot of #1s... yeah, I looked it up after all. I guess I do know her version of "All I Want for Christmas is You." Does that count?











Danica McKellar: The former Wonder Years star has claimed that the best part of pregnancy is that her "boobs are bigger".. Well, it didn;'t take a child star from the '80's to tell me that, but it doesn't hurt. We'll see if her assets add up to a victory in the competition... get it, "add up"? because she writes books about math! Nevermind....











Nina Garcia: According to some random pregnancy site, she is a judge on Project Runway. If any of you have ever seen the show, you can verify this for us. i was excited for a minute, because I thought she might be one of Jerry's daughters, but I don't think that is the case.











Pink: Here we have our 2nd rather well known pop-singer. Like Mariah Carrey, I've never listened to her music, but I won't deny that most of you love it. I guess that's not quite true; I did hear that anti-George W. Bush song she released 4 or 5 years ago. That was pretty alright, & if she wins this, she too will be able to say, "Mission Accomplished!"












Jodie Sweetin: Before you ask who this is, I'll give you a hint; she was on a really bad sit-com around the same time as The Wonder Years, & Married, w/ Children. Still not enough? OK, a really, really bad sit-com. Another hint? OK, a sit-com w/ the Olsen twins, Bob Saget, John Stamos, & Dave Coulier. her status as a celebrity was good enough for celebritypregnancy.sheknows.com, I guess it's good enough for us. I don't know who the father is, but then again, if the arc of her show is any indication, she probably doesn't either.












Alicia Keys: Yet another pop singer, but this time, 1 who was name checked in "Thunder on the Mountain" by Bob Dylan on his 2007 release, Modern Times. The lyrics go thusly: "I was thinkin' 'bout Alicia Keys, couldn't keep from crying / When she was born in Hell's Kitchen, I was living down the line / I'm wondering where in the world Alicia Keys could be / I been looking for her even clear through Tennessee." This all I know about her so I can't really comment on anything else... except that she was hanging out on a yaught w/ Queen Latifah after her wedding... I kind of dig Queen Latifah, but her 1st album isn't really as good as all the fuss suggests. I've seen it listed on a bunch of top album lists lately, but when it came out, it didn't impress me at all.











...dary.

Holiday Post #3: The Kids

As I'm sure you're aware, Solstice is in the Christmas performance @ their church. She performs as part of the children's choir for a few songs @ the end of the 1st act. They have 10 shows over the course of 2 weekends; I went on Saturday & was blown away. The production is fantastic. The 1st act is basicaly a series of traditional mid-20th century X-mas tunes. The 2nd act is an overview of the X-mas story. She's been working so hard, & they did so well.When we got home, I took Aiden & Isaiah up to the super-cheesy tree lighting ceremony in Depot Town. They had free cookies & cocoa, plus a bunch of ridiculous, bougie, 50somethings singing carols. Aiden was bored out of his mind, but Isaiah enjoyed getting to meet a couple dogs & eat a couple cookies.

Yesterday, while Stephanie & Solstice were at Solstice's evening performance, I took the boys to see the free showing of A Christmas Story @ The Michigan Theater. Aiden had been looking forward to it, but Isaiah had no idea what was going on. As it turns out, he loved it. He even laughed @ the appropriate spots. Later in the evening, I even caught him saying, "Meatloaf, meatloaf." That was pretty sweet. I think we may need to take a road trip to Cleveland to check out the Christmas Story House Museum. If we go, I suppose we could hit Tony Packo's for a coney on the way home... this idea is starting to sound better & better. Watch this space... you may get updates about an awesome day trip. In the mean time, keep submitting the nominations for The Visions of Ypsi Memorial Celebrity MILF of the Year Contest!

Holiday Post #2: The Tree & the Contest

Last weekend, after we watched Arsenal ascend to the top of the Premier League for a couple hours, putting up the holiday lights outside, & finishing the raking of the front yard, we headed down to Ida w/ Elizabeth, Dan, Sam, & my Mom to get the X-Mas tree. As per usual, we went to the Matthes Tree Farm which comes complete w/ a natural beard Santa, a petting zoo, free coffee/hot chocolate/pop corn, & a little local arts & crafts area from which I scored a bottle of super hot hot sauce to add to my collection. We pulled in & had the tree down & on the car in 15 minutes. It was a new record. Plus, we got the tree from the economy area which, as the name suggests, scored us a cut-rate price.Elizabeth & Dan took a little longer, but they're newbies so it's understandable that they would lose the race. Afterwards, we hit the petting zoo, let Isaiah sit on Santa's lap (where he completely forgot what he wanted, but loved sitting w/ him none-the-less), grabbed some of the free snacks while enjoying the clarinet ensemble, & then let Isaiah take a pony ride... during which he shouted, "I NEED A PONY NOWWW, MOMMY!!!"

When we got home, Elizabeth went to get beer, & by the time she got back, the tee was up & I had the lights on it while Stephanie quickly made cornbread to go w/ the chili & hot dogs we ate while watching Christmas Vacation. I'm not a huge fan of the film, but Dan stands behind Cousin Eddie the way I stand behind Arsene Wenger. Afterwards, we watched Miracle on 34th Street about which Aiden stated, "It's black & white, but it's actually not bad." I'll take that as a positive review.
And speaking of giving back, we're now nominations for the Visions of Ypsi Memorial Celebrity MILF of the Year Contest. Next week, we'll compile a list of the nominees, post the mini-bios, & start the voting. The nominating rules are thus: 1) The nominee must embody some semblance of celebrity, 2) The nominee must have either gotten knocked up or dropped a kidlet this year (celebs who adopted are eligible also), 3) the celeb was not nominated for the same child last year, & 4) the celeb is a MILF. Here is the winning post from last year when it was simply The Visions of Ypsi Celebrity MILF of the Year Contest.